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To All Our Friends-
Life is so full of ironies, so many hills and valleys. We are disappointed one
minute and in the blink of an eye, we are elevated to lofty heights. We cry
tears of sadness and before the tears have dried, we begin an outpouring of
tears of joy.
I can honestly say that unfortunately, until this year, I have NEVER experienced
a real meaningful 3 weeks of mourning preceeding Tisha B'av (the date
commemorating (memorializing) the destruction of the 1st & 2nd Temples), or the
9 days preceeding Tisha B'av (a time frame that is meant to evoke even more
sadness and longing for the reuilding of our Temple in Jerusalem-speedily in our
days)),or even a Tisha B'av itself. Perhaps we live in a time where are hearts
are simply hardened to a point where we are calloused to the suffering of
others. Perhaps, life has simply been too good for us to even fathom the pain
that others feel. And perhaps that is simply what it means to be in galut
(exile).
G-d said to B'nai Yisroel (the children of Israel) in the dessert when they
chose to "cry" about their fate and expressed fear that they would be killed if
they tried to conquer Israel, that 'because you cried on this day (the 9th of
Av) for no reason, in the future you will cry on this day (the 9th of Av) for a
very good reason' . That "very good reason for crying" was the destruction of
both the 1st and 2nd Temples on that very day.
It is very difficult (and in some cases dangerous) to not be a learned jew, yet
voice an opinion about jewish thought. Let me therefore preface the discussion
with saying these are my thoughts alone and "do not necessarily reflect the
opinions of Management (with a capital "m")" I do hope that what I am about to
say is in line with traditional jewish thought and is not in any way offensive.
What has occurred to me is that not only does G-d want us not to cry
unnecessarily (by showing a complete lack of faith in Him), but G-d just as much
wants us to cry when crying is appropriate.
(I believe our sages have said that 'he who crys over the destruction of the
Temple will merit to see its rebuiding , and conversely, he who does not cry
over the destruction of the Temple will not merit to see its rebuilding). So
what does G-d do? You cry inappropriately, G-d makes things happen that cause
you to cry appropriately. Similarly, it appears to me, if we don't cry at
appropriate times (destruction of our holiest sites (the two Temples), what is
happening in modern day Israel, etc.), then G-d will give us something that will
indeed make us cry and awaken us to the suffering of others....and this is a
good thing!
Living our lives as robots, waking up, going to work or school, watching TV,
going to bed, day after day is not "living" our lives. But I defy anyone to
spend an hour either visiting the sick, rallying for Israel, volunteering at
your child's school or your synagogue or church, or visiting our dear son Ari,
without being transformed, without regaining some of that sensitivity and
empathy G-d wants us to feel.
So, to borrow a phrase from Passover, how is this Tisha B'av different from all
other Tisha B'avs? Hopefully, we are different people this year. The apathy for
human suffering, that I, and perhaps others have felt in year's past, has
changed to empathy. I know from the outpouring of kindness the Grashins have
been recipients of, that there is not a person who receives this letter that has
not shed a tear of sadness, a tear of joy and a tear of hope for the continued
speedy recovery of a person who has touched your hearts. Do we all wish that we
could have obtained that same empathy from an ordeal less profound? Of course,
but that doesn't change the ordeal, nor the lesson that we all have to take away
from the ordeal; and that is what I started out this message with, namely "Life
is so full of ironies, so many hills and valleys. We are disappointed one minute
and in the blink of an eye, we are elevated to lofty heights. We cry tears of
sadness and before the tears have dried, we begin an outpouring of tears of
joy."
So what has caused me to take a one paragragh update letter about Ari's
condition and turn it into the above "novel"?
I opened up my e-Mail this morning and read again about the passing of a dear
friend, Chaviva Englesberg, zt"l. Tears of profound sadness begin to well up in
my eyes as I recall what an incredible "aishes chayil (women of valor)" she was.
She leaves a husband (Rabbi Engelsberg was a teacher in Seattle who literally
changed the lives of hundreds of young students and dozens of adults in our
community), 3 small children, and parents. Yet, before the tears have dried, the
phone rings and Ari's oncologist is on the line. Yesterday, they performed Ari's
first MRI since 1)the Gamma Knife procedure and 2)his starting his new chemo
and, thank G-d, no new lesions appeared and the tumor has apparently shrunk.
While this does not mean Ari is cured (we will continue to do monthly MRI's to
monitor his progress and pray for such), it does mean that for this day, this
Shabbat, this week, these nine days and three weeks and for this Tisha B'av I
will have many tears. I guess the tears will be a combination of sadness for all
our losses and of those not yet dried tears for Chaviva, along with the tears of
joy (may we continue to hear such news) surrounding Ari, and finally some tears
of optimism...a potent combination. And so that is how this Tisha b'av will be
different for me. I hope, maybe in a small way, your relationship with, and
prayers for Ari will help you experience Tisha B'av a little differently, and
with more meaning, as well, so that perhaps we will all merit to see the
rebuilding of the Temple, speedily in our days.
Again, thanks for your continued prayers. Because of them, you are all a major
part of this good news we received today-
Shabbat Shalom and love from the Grashins
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